Lonliness and the Single Mom

Being a single, stay-at-home mom can be a little lonely even a little boring at times. Here are things I like to do to deal with those moments when they arise:

1. I check my email anywhere from 6 to 20 times per hour, just to see if any new mail has popped up. Usually it's spam and I erase it which keeps my mailbox nice and tidy.

2. Sometimes when someone does stop by and I know they can only stay for a minute like grandma or the mailman, I pretend I'm going to say something but I can't quite remember what it is. They don't want to be rude so they'll stand there waiting to hear what I was going to say. And I continue stammering, "Um, gosh, what was I going to tell you? What was it? It's right on the tip of my tongue..." even though there was never really anything in the first place. Finally they'll say something like, "Well, if you can't remember what it was it must not have been that important" or " I really do have a lot of mail still to deliver" But by then I'll have spent 5 minutes in the presence of another adult, which is almost like having company.

3. Watch DVR'd episodes of Jeopardy during naps. Guessing the correct answers inspires a sense of self-worth and capability as in, "If I had a job I'd be really good at it and probably get a raise or promotion."

4. Sweep. I have a love hate relationship with sweeping. I love it when my floors are free of dog hair so that when my son crawls around it doesn't look like he's wearing a hairsuit but I hate the act of sweeping. It's so archaic. You'd think in the thousands of years humans have been sweeping that we'd have come up with something less tedious than a broom. And don't try to argue that a Swiffer is the "new and improved" broom because that's just preposterous. A Swiffer will indeed swiff up a fraction of the hair but do nothing to the nuggets and bumpies except rearrange them. Now you have to Swiffer and sweep! Ridiculous.

5. Call people you haven't spoken with in years. It's fun to scroll through your phone and call people that you haven't talked to in a long time. It can be exhilarating wondering where they are now, what major changes have occurred in their life, I can't wait for them to ask about me! It can also be humiliating. One time I called an old friend from my younger, crazier days. When he answered I exclaimed joyfully, "Hey Maxwell, it's me Shelley. Long time no talk!" There was a long silent pause and finally he replied, "Are you in some kind of twelve step program where to have to apologize to everyone you wronged?" "Um, no" unable to think of the "wrong" I had done him, "but it sure was nice talking to you. Good-bye." And I hung up. I'm a little more selective now when I "boredom dial" people.

6. Drink a beer. (insert politically correct disclaimer) CAUTION: Just one and not every day. There is something incredibly satisfying about drinking a beer in the middle of the day. It implies a certain freedom, an edgy, Sheryl Crow quality that can really shake off that tired, snot-covered mom feeling. Don't judge me! I can feel it from here. Fine don't drink a beer, whatever.

These are just some of the things I do to fight the occasional lonlidom or borediness. I'm sure you can think of others. Let me know if you do. None of these really work anyway.